Joan & Timmy; 1998

I grew up in Wantagh with seven brothers and sisters. It was tough growing up in a household with eight children; there was always so much going on that I often felt lost in the shuffle. At 21, I was faced with an unplanned, unwanted pregnancy and a tremendous amount of social pressure as a result of my state. I was even advised by individuals that to terminate the pregnancy would be the best option. However, I never considered that. I felt ashamed bearing a child out of wedlock. I gained a "bad Girl" status and actually believed that I was a bad person. I didn't want to hurt or disappoint my parents; my position affected the loves of everyone involved. The decision to relinquish was made by others and it appeared to be the only choice. I was told life would be more fun, less expensive, and easier without my baby. In order to be accepted again, I would hide this pregnancy, then place the baby for adoption. So I went along with my family and said whatever they wanted to hear. I just wanted to be accepted again… It was in the hospital, after I gave birth to Timothy that I came to a realization: I wanted my baby; I always wanted this baby. All I did since his birth was cry - I didn't want to "place him". In Timothy's birth, I found the power and strength to survive, to overcome obstacles. I had to make the decision for myself and for my baby. Everyone is always quick to offer "advice"; but no one ever considers what "the mother's" feelings are. The decision to keep my baby always seemed to be the right one...it still does. I have never regretted it.
-Joan